remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
