If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
