i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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