You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
