i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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