VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize