dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
