i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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