Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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