They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
