# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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