She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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