This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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