Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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