you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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