1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sober January is a disaster.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
