he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
soo... how was my night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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