I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
