Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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