Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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