moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
the raccoons are back...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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