no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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