I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
