I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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