He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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