I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
