she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
