I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
