All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
