i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
