just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
