New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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