For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize