Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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