Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
