Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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