I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
