Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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