If i come over, it means nothing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
