1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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