Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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