I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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