She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
