its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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