I hate your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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