do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out mid-signature
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
