so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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