I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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