I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
