I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize