i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
