I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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