My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize