I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
