Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
worst night to have a conscience
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
