I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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