Its about making memories worth repressing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
