he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
