I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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