just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
