Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
