like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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