i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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