I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
