Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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