omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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