Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
