worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
