we have officially lost it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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