Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
