dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
