theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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