i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my poor anus
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
