What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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