You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
