Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
