i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
