thus making me awesome and them whores
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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