i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize