I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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