are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
