i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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