she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
