i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize