It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
