Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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