So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
