Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
