it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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