she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
