I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
