its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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