I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
