i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
