Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
