me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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