we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
